Me and God I dunno how good we are at the minute. I cant remember the last time I had quiet time with him or just truely reflected upon his word.
We are at least a step better than we were before half ten this morning. I'm no longer mad at him. (always a bonus)
This is awlful and I know it is but I always try to be honest and get prayer cover.
It just feels like I fit him into my day. Quiet time shoved in here, oh can you help me here, help them, Im driving time for a bit of worship.
Its no excuse, I can make tonnes of excuse's, my life is so go, go, go. This person wanted to talk to me. I overslept. It was too noisy, I spent my quiet time talking to this person who hadn't spoken to me in ages, uni work.
All that stuff, the rubbish, the work, the relationships. Jesus should be my centre point. he should be my reason for doing these things. I have given my life to Jesus so technically I should give him the every day.
I was working Saturday night, and the thought came into my mind about how all I ever seem to do is ask. Ask him to do stuff for me or others. It sounds silly (and is very hypercritically in light of some of my other posts - sorry) but how selfish. As the delirious? song goes I've longed to see the Roses but never felt the thorns.
Someone (and two of my mental images that god has given me recently)brought to my attention the need to stop. Stop thinking, Stop doing and just be. They used the words Robotic. They also used the words need to feel.
Only problem is I actually Cant. even when I watch Tv I figit. It takes me hours to go to sleep as my brain takes so long to drift off. I thought of the idea of tying all my limbs together, turning off all technology and just stopping, even when I pray, I get so distracted I start thinking about dinner. (like I did earlier)
It lead me to question why I am avoiding to be still?
The other issue is around pride. I hate that word it sounds dirty and sounds like what it means. When I type it I feel ashamed. Humility is much nicer like a hug. (more on that later)
