Questions you ask yourself at 1am

Should I announce and explain my secrecy? Should I quit my job?

Why do I act that way? Why did I do that?

Was it real? Is it real?

Why do I expect the negative? Why do I doubt myself when I know its Jesus who is (or should be) in charge?

Why is it that the person who hurt me the most is the person I go to when i am in pain? Why do people at uni say I can do it where I am clearly falling far behind?

How can I help my parents? Have I really forgiven him or is it repressed?

Why when I was told it would never happen again it did? How can I put more personal Jesus time into my day?

Why am I still angry at someone? Should I dye my hair again?

I really want to drive up to Bristol and surprise my best friend (surprise ruined now) but When can I fit it in? What am i going to do?

I need to go to the dress makers for my fitting for my bridesmaid dress when can I do that?

When will my brother become a christian? Why is the bruise on my knee in the shape of Africa?

Why is she mad at me? Why can I not finish Great Expectations? (year of trying)

Are any of the things I like/dislike actually things I like or dislike or is it because of some personer I put on? Why does he like me?

How can I help a friend? If I quit my job will everything Financially be ok?

Would my Grandpa be proud? Am I missing it all?

Was there more than what I know? If yes huh?

Is he reading this? Do people actually read this rubbish?

sometimes I wish

I sometimes wish I had an on/off switch in my mind.


something that would stop me from thinking.



I just feel like sometimes I'm a balloon with so much pressure going on inside of me that Im going to go 'pop' at any second. Sometimes I wish it would all just go away so I could feel the silence. (tunage moment)


Sometimes I wish I had more time. Enough time to read all the books I have brought but "haven't got round to reading," more Time to meet friends for coffee "without worrying whether I am going to miss another appointment" Enough time to Pray for two yours solidly "without having to cut something out of my day" Enough time to go running like I used too or even to do some art.

Sometimes I wish distance wasn't such a big issue. that I could walk to give someone a hug insteed of two hours in a car. or a four minute trip to make a friend a cup of tea instead of four hours. Be closer when I want to be like that car advert when people simple push buildings out the way and make distances shorter by my own strength.

Sometimes I wish we didnt have stuff. like voicemail and consumerism. and 16 definitions to explain one thing.

Sometimes I wish that I understood my thought right now, that I wouldn't be so puzzled by the enigma that is me.

Sometimes I wish for easy answers to hard problems

I pray to God that these wishes don't come true. I began writing this blog to just write. Its 1am I cant sleep but actually I just had a revelation that I dont want these things not really. Having Barriers and problems makes the adventure worth it, makes it more worthwhile. I am writing an assignment and yes there are 16 different definitions to the word 'Sex' (see below) and yeah the distance thing is sucky but what you get when you get to the destination is more than worth the trip.

Gods pretty cool. (understatement of the year)


(my assignment is on people who work free willingly in the sex trade. they are seen as a marginalised group and are seen in a variety of different ways and positions. I find it really interesting but thats proberly because I am werid)

Judgemental Idiots

Sometimes Christians really annoy me. (I myself as a christian also annoy me for similar or same reasons)



I was recently talking with a generally amazing guy about homosexuality and Church.



How can it be that Instead of showing love and compassion to people who because of there sexual orientation already face exploitation, rejection and daily comments of 'its not natural' we condemn them.

I recently found out that a close friend of mine is gay. She is a christian by definition. Her family and a number of friends have told her that its not normal and cut her out. This girl is amazing, a true woman of God. She has inspired me in my christian walk countless times. how can it be that other christians can act towards her with such cruelty.

I read an article in a Christian magazine how Christians were waving Banners and protesting outside abortion clinics. Young girls who have been Raped, who have no knowledge of sex or what they are doing are being called murderers and sluts (did Rachel just write a swear word on her blog) by people who are trying to follow in Jesus's footsteps.

Instead surely we should be showing them Gods love, compassion and understanding. We dont have to agree with the choices these people have made in there lives to support them, stand beside them and love them.

The story in the bible about a women caught for adultery. Various people, leaders, and a general crowd. brought this lady forward to be stoned to death. Jesus stopped them by saying let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone.


The only being that has the right to comment on whose sin is greater than whose is Jesus. Christians can stand against things but stand against them by love not by condemnation.

please pray that I personally remember this when I pre-judge people and for the wider church network as charlie said in her blog ages ago it is acts and messages like this that show christians as people who have a "big-headed, arrogant, we're-better-than-you, and I-told-you-so attitude." I don't think that is the attitude Jesus had in mind for his followers to have.

church weekend away

I'm pretty happy at the minute.

Gods been amazing.

I realised I havent blogged in ages so bit of a catch up for those that are interested.

The Church Weekend away was epic.

To everyone at GBC, Thanks for making it so fantastic. It is a privledge to be part of you.

I really loved just getting the chance to relax a little and hang out with my church and my family. without any pressure it is such a fantastic time to relax, ponder Gods word, share fellowship and just do some interpretive dance for those who want too.

Two years ago I was bawling my eyes out at GBC weekend away because my family wasn't here. This year I cried because I was astounded at Gods greatest as giving me such an amazing Church family.

The speaker looked at Phillipians one of my favourite books of the bible. I was honestly excited when he read out one of my favourite verses. Phillipians 3 V 8 which is something I have really been struggling with recently.

I have been so busy with Work and Uni. I have just not been focusing on the important things.

Jesus and especially my quiet time with him have got pushed to the side while I try and deal with it all. A song also confirmed what God was saying "I can't do it alone" This stuff is pointless without God. It really is.

Please Pray that I remember this.

We also sang "You're Beautiful" I love this tune.

It says in Isaiah 53 v 2 that there was nothing beautiful about his appearence but thats just outward appearence.

I think that Beauty in its truest form comes from the inside.

My God is beautiful from the Inside out. Love is Beautiful and God is Love. I was so happy when Abe started singing it I made a little excited noise.

The Speaker Simon Jones is something of a legend.

Unfortunately I didnt get chance to talk to him much but he has a really awesome music taste (going off whats written on his blog) but what he said was really powerful.

I have recently been reading a book called Breakout by Mark Stibbe and Andrew Williams, which ties in so well to what he was saying. I really recommend a read.

He was expressing the need for churches no longer to be "come to us" but more "go to them."

Being honest with myself and the people of blogland, I dont quite know what God was specfically saying to me with this message.

I was so excited by the message that Simon brought to us. real change is needed and as he says "go and make disciples" not "sit tight and twiddle your thumbs and wait for them to realise there is a hole in there life" I have been trying to work out where I sit and twiddle (or write stupidly long blogs) instead of going and how I can do more.

I want to end with a quote from Gladitor (edited by Simon) this made me think a lot and has been stuck in my mind since the return "what we do in life echoes in eternity." Unleash Heaven into the world.

I think...

I think


miss Jodie Baker is amazing!!!!!!!!!!

Girlface

I have girlface badly.

I dont know why it was sort of unexpected (and seems a little soon)

but I do

and wanna know something else.

I give him girlface back

(Girly grin)

Prayer Requests

Ok, so I need some people to pray into a couple of conversations I have recently had. I wont use names as I am sure they may feel a little uncomfortable with seeing there names up here. (As I know at least one of them reads it)

I have recently had the priveledge (and it is a privledge) of meeting an amazing guy who strayed away from church and his faith gradually due to various reasons. We were talking in the pub and he said that he would love to come to GBC with me at some point. please pray for this guy, he has an amazing life story and is such an incredible bloke. I hope that at somepoint he may be coming to church with me.

Another situation is another one of my guy friends he is being chased by God at the minute and is trying to avoid the whole being a christian thing. He knows God is chasing him and has even told me that he is envious of my relationship with God. Something is just stopping him. Please pray for this guy. If its fear or the not wanting to sacrifice pray that God will put something in his heart to let him know its worth it.

I love both these Men and would grately appresiate prayer for them.

xxxxxx