Dissertation writing and superstars

I dont want to go all mushy on you but Nick has been incredible. He has pretty much moved in this week. For the last few months I have been feeling like God has been wearing headphones but you know what God gave me him here on the days I needed him. I found out some very bad news and cried (a lot) and Nick was here. he made me sit down physically and write my dissertation which is possibly the largest pile of trash you have ever read but I am just glad it is done. Katie too oh little miss Katie who sends me bible verses everyday to lift my spirit she had no idea of anything that is going on but instead just wanted to support me by doing that. My daughter what a legend you have been. talking to me, loving me and looking after me. Telling me off when I have needed it. God hasn't had headphones on. I have had sunglasses on I couldnt see the blessings of support he has given me through all this rubbish.



I may be a bit down in the dumps and dealing with a lot but God has given me some geunine stars to help me out with it.

Leadership

On a previous Thursday I attended a leadership seminar at GBC.

Once Abe leaves, I am taking over Rock Solid (RNA) It is a scary thought to be honest. I have read a tonne of Leadership books, Picked Abes mind, Prayed loads (still more of that needed please) and tried my best to switch on my mind.

Joe is back from uni now. He has done Rock Solid since he was 15. He knows how the computer systems work and how the finances are managed. He wants to be a youth leader.

It really is scary. John asked on Thursday why some people are hesitant to become leaders. What was listed was literally everything that was and has been going through my mind. It made me laugh but also reassured me (moses and his resistance) actually that others go through it too. So yeah Joe might tick all the right boxes but God chose me.

I think God chooses the ones that are rusty around the edges because he can develop them more.

Im nervous just because I am in a postion where God can do great things but I am also in a place where if (or more appropriate when ) I take my eyes off of him I can do a lot of damage. Its really scary.

I really liked the Seminar. There were a good number of things I hadnt thought off that other peoples experiences had brought up. I think Gods got this.

I miss you

And Now for something a little bit happier

My dad walked outside to his garage without a crutch.

Take that you stupid doctors!!!!!

He even agreed with me that it could possibly have been all the people praying for him.

Its pretty much a medical miracle, but I think its a Jesus one.

I think my heart just might be a little bit broke

My Dad is Superman

I love my Dad. I always have been a daddy's girl. If I can be half the person he is I would be lucky.

I was thinking about how he always told me that I shouldn't be a youth leader or a teacher or anything like that. when I was 16 It was annoying and painful as I stupidly saw it that my Dad didnt want me to be happy but Actually the truth behind it is quite simply that

He see's potential in me to be more than that, to do more than that.

Don't get me wrong I will do whatever God wants me to do whether that means washing windows for the rest of my life (more on this later)

On Tuesday me and Dad went on are Annual shopping trip. I love spending time with him. He works loads (and so do I) so it is a real rare thing one on one time with him and I had a great time, we chatted and laughed and shopped.

The fact he was in a lot of pain (he has a bad leg) didnt matter especially when I made him walk in circles. He didnt even complain, he just wanted to make sure I was happy.

I was thinking about when I was a kid, all I ever wanted to do was (well to have a dog) and be like my dad. He kept secrets from my mum, comforted me, got angry for me and taught me how to use a milling machine as well as many other life lessons.

John spoke on Sunday how most young people look up to there parents. I love my Dad. Tonight If I am honest, I am worried about him. I'm worried about the future and the next few weeks but I am really pretty certain he is proberly worrying about me getting my uni work done on time.

Me and God

Me and God I dunno how good we are at the minute. I cant remember the last time I had quiet time with him or just truely reflected upon his word.

We are at least a step better than we were before half ten this morning. I'm no longer mad at him. (always a bonus)

This is awlful and I know it is but I always try to be honest and get prayer cover.

It just feels like I fit him into my day. Quiet time shoved in here, oh can you help me here, help them, Im driving time for a bit of worship.

Its no excuse, I can make tonnes of excuse's, my life is so go, go, go. This person wanted to talk to me. I overslept. It was too noisy, I spent my quiet time talking to this person who hadn't spoken to me in ages, uni work.

All that stuff, the rubbish, the work, the relationships. Jesus should be my centre point. he should be my reason for doing these things. I have given my life to Jesus so technically I should give him the every day.

I was working Saturday night, and the thought came into my mind about how all I ever seem to do is ask. Ask him to do stuff for me or others. It sounds silly (and is very hypercritically in light of some of my other posts - sorry) but how selfish. As the delirious? song goes I've longed to see the Roses but never felt the thorns.

Someone (and two of my mental images that god has given me recently)brought to my attention the need to stop. Stop thinking, Stop doing and just be. They used the words Robotic. They also used the words need to feel.

Only problem is I actually Cant. even when I watch Tv I figit. It takes me hours to go to sleep as my brain takes so long to drift off. I thought of the idea of tying all my limbs together, turning off all technology and just stopping, even when I pray, I get so distracted I start thinking about dinner. (like I did earlier)

It lead me to question why I am avoiding to be still?

The other issue is around pride. I hate that word it sounds dirty and sounds like what it means. When I type it I feel ashamed. Humility is much nicer like a hug. (more on that later)