This is a sensitive topic for many. Myself included.
Especially over the past three years GBC has hurt me alot. I dont want to point fingers and like every situation blame is on both sides.
I had very high expectations on what GBC would be like when I was in a place of responsibility and I have a huge lack of knowledge of how things work, which led to me confused and baffled originally and even more so when I was disheartened and unencouraged.
You have proberly noticed (and I do bang on about it a lot) how there is nothing for people 18+ at GBC nor in the majority of churches.
One thing I have learnt over the past few months is I can complain all I like, I can wag my fingers and stamp my feet until they fall off but, whats the point? Why don't I insteed put my energy into something positive.
so that is exactly what I am doing (well, we). Me, Abbi and my darling Jess are forming a prayer triplet (I dont know how else to describe it). Im (ridiculously) excited about it. It is a chance to be able to grow and be challenged in my peer group with people with similar issues to myself.
The reason (for those that are interested) I ended up not leaving GBC was that a very wise young lad made me realise that Church isn't about me or what I get out of it. (you should be able to take stuff away with you/leave stuff behind/grow/be challenged/have fellowship that is important) but that shouldn't be why I go.
I go because I have an opportunity to serve others in the church, whether that means holding a nail while a small child smacks my hand with a hammer or just share fellowship. To show people that I love them and I care for them. To show that Jesus loves them and Cares about them
The perfect church doesnt exist because perfect people dont. The church can disappoint, hurt, damage. It can be unencouraging, lonely, boring and painful but it can also be an incredible place for love to shine when we let it.
Im pretty useless but God will use that he will do something with it. I have no idea what or how and I am 99% of the time baffled by him but you know I think I am meant to be.
Im not saying its right, it is just some incoherant thoughts about my motivations and my reflections of the past few years that have been in my head this week.
So next week, I will stand there hold a nail, give a small child a hammer again because one day God will show them how to aim and one day they may build someone a house, a classroom or even a church and show someone else some of Jesus's love.
