I think I have drawn upon this briefly on a previous blog.
I have been struggling recently from feelings of Envy and resentment for the choices I made for God three years ago. Choices like staying at GBC for a gap year and staying at home for University.
I see my friends who have gone of to university and have had the adventure of there lifes. I have seen them grow not only spiritually but as people. I have seen them building lifelong friendships, go on crazy wild nights out, and be challenged as 21 year olds in there faith by stuff that applies to them.
It is not that I have not loved the past three years I have, I have had the greatest blessings bestode upon my life. I have made the greatest friends and had some pretty incredible adventures (there arent many people who have managed to get kicked out of Tesco's twice) but still I was left with resentment like feelings towards the decisions I was made.
I chose to stick around. god told me too. I went to the worse university I could have possibly gone too when actually when I got into 2 top 10 universities. I stayed living at home watching one by one as all my friends left. I stayed in a church (which at the time) I thought did not challenge me or let me grow all because God told me too, while my brother went travelling around the world, my friends had experiences that I dream about.
It is not that I would change it I wouldnt for the world just when you see your friends having the experiences, the responsibility, the relationships that you long for it is hard not to question your decisions.
Anyway me and God had a chat about this and he reminded me of a bible verse that Joe gave me when I got baptised. Jeremiah 29 v11
He has a plan for my life. One that is a beautiful plan. It is not the same as any of my other friends that I am envious of, It is a Unique one. It is a plan fit for my life and for the work that God has commissioned for me I should not be envious that other people get different adventures than me because well God has given me some pretty awesome ones and will give me a few more. they are no greater or worse than anyone others
Yeah, I get down but I think that the lonliness I feel is related to this but it also my need to be content and remember how blessed I really am.
Please pray that I remember this and that these feelings do not come back.
Quoting the movie Ghost Town here
"We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. May be only to us, but it matters"
