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Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Easier to Run

Yes, I realise I have just titled my blog after a Linken Park tune.

I am generally one that tends to run away from my feelings. If I am hurting or annoyed I never really say. It annoys a lot of my friends as in a sense I understand why it could be really frustrating. It could be weeks before they find out about something I have been struggling with. to some degree you could even go as far to say that I am never really honest with them.

Generally, If stuff hurts why go through the pain of dealing with it? It is easier to run away and avoid it. To cover it up, to put it as far away as you possibly can inside yourself. I find myself not wanting to deal with situations.

I am brillent at this.I think I am the worlds champion of running away from my emotions.

In a sense this could relate to Jonah. physically you could run away (avoid everything that associates with it or may make you deal with it) or you can do it emotionally. You can bottle it up in the emotion bottle in your heart.

Sooner or later though God will stop you from running. (he may not always use a whale) He doesn't do this because he dislikes us or wants us to go through pain he does it because he wants us to have a full life.

Me and Joe had a chat at Momentum about my resilience to express my emotions, and once again he reminded me of the fact that eventually it always comes out.

I made a pretty beefy mistake a week ago which I am now (trying) to deal with the consequences. As always I have tried to keep it under the carpet only letting the selected few know what is going on (and explain why I am going loopy.)

However, Last night I exploded. I threw the lie and the mask away that everything was alright and bawled my eyes out on my brothers bed. I was honest with my family about my feelings something I have not done for years. (not like that actually)

It was not pretty, (I, definatly did not feel pretty) but I feel so much better now. Since I released some of my emotion, since I stood my ground and began to deal. I can begin to put the situation right (if I can) I can start healing.

p.s. my family have been fantastic I love them so much and are so blessed to have them.