And Now for something a little bit happier

My dad walked outside to his garage without a crutch.

Take that you stupid doctors!!!!!

He even agreed with me that it could possibly have been all the people praying for him.

Its pretty much a medical miracle, but I think its a Jesus one.

I think my heart just might be a little bit broke

My Dad is Superman

I love my Dad. I always have been a daddy's girl. If I can be half the person he is I would be lucky.

I was thinking about how he always told me that I shouldn't be a youth leader or a teacher or anything like that. when I was 16 It was annoying and painful as I stupidly saw it that my Dad didnt want me to be happy but Actually the truth behind it is quite simply that

He see's potential in me to be more than that, to do more than that.

Don't get me wrong I will do whatever God wants me to do whether that means washing windows for the rest of my life (more on this later)

On Tuesday me and Dad went on are Annual shopping trip. I love spending time with him. He works loads (and so do I) so it is a real rare thing one on one time with him and I had a great time, we chatted and laughed and shopped.

The fact he was in a lot of pain (he has a bad leg) didnt matter especially when I made him walk in circles. He didnt even complain, he just wanted to make sure I was happy.

I was thinking about when I was a kid, all I ever wanted to do was (well to have a dog) and be like my dad. He kept secrets from my mum, comforted me, got angry for me and taught me how to use a milling machine as well as many other life lessons.

John spoke on Sunday how most young people look up to there parents. I love my Dad. Tonight If I am honest, I am worried about him. I'm worried about the future and the next few weeks but I am really pretty certain he is proberly worrying about me getting my uni work done on time.

Me and God

Me and God I dunno how good we are at the minute. I cant remember the last time I had quiet time with him or just truely reflected upon his word.

We are at least a step better than we were before half ten this morning. I'm no longer mad at him. (always a bonus)

This is awlful and I know it is but I always try to be honest and get prayer cover.

It just feels like I fit him into my day. Quiet time shoved in here, oh can you help me here, help them, Im driving time for a bit of worship.

Its no excuse, I can make tonnes of excuse's, my life is so go, go, go. This person wanted to talk to me. I overslept. It was too noisy, I spent my quiet time talking to this person who hadn't spoken to me in ages, uni work.

All that stuff, the rubbish, the work, the relationships. Jesus should be my centre point. he should be my reason for doing these things. I have given my life to Jesus so technically I should give him the every day.

I was working Saturday night, and the thought came into my mind about how all I ever seem to do is ask. Ask him to do stuff for me or others. It sounds silly (and is very hypercritically in light of some of my other posts - sorry) but how selfish. As the delirious? song goes I've longed to see the Roses but never felt the thorns.

Someone (and two of my mental images that god has given me recently)brought to my attention the need to stop. Stop thinking, Stop doing and just be. They used the words Robotic. They also used the words need to feel.

Only problem is I actually Cant. even when I watch Tv I figit. It takes me hours to go to sleep as my brain takes so long to drift off. I thought of the idea of tying all my limbs together, turning off all technology and just stopping, even when I pray, I get so distracted I start thinking about dinner. (like I did earlier)

It lead me to question why I am avoiding to be still?

The other issue is around pride. I hate that word it sounds dirty and sounds like what it means. When I type it I feel ashamed. Humility is much nicer like a hug. (more on that later)

I say it a lot...

I really do love my church.
What a fantastic bunch of people.

I love my family too.

Most of you know its the first christmas, we have been at home for in a long time. We are all adults now (well sort of) and to be honest I know how down my parents were that I was being forced (Because I am) to work over christmas so they couldn't go away. but it has really made me smile today as we all got really excited (and very silly) over cake making and tree decorating.

I am a right Scrooge. I hate the Lights, the presents (like giving, why do it once a year) santa, the stupid traditions and christmas music. So usually this sort of stuff was in the Rachel dictonary definition of torture.

but this year I really am loving it. I still hate the lights, the presents, santa and the rest. but I am actually really looking forward to a day spending time with my family and remembering what/who is in the name Christmas.

flirting and frolicing

Sex!!!



Its kinda everywhere.



I get the whole its a gift for marriage I do and I 100% back that belief and agree with it.



what baffles me is just how unwilling people are to talk about it (including myself) especially in christian circles. When it is mentioned it is in the abstinence until marriage context.



Its a vital part of our lifes, in many societies including the worlds view in England, sex is the door to adulthood. Its the inspiration behind great art. Its a natural thing.



So it just got me thinking why we arent comfortable about talking about it more.



(just to clarify I seriously belief the waiting for marriage is the right way to go its up to everyone else reading this to go investigate there bibles and make there own minds up)



Is it just that we are oh so very typical "British"? or something more? Why is it such a Taboo subject? Is it a Taboo subject still or is it just me picking up on these vibes?



I love Rob Bells book Sex God which talks about Sexuality and the Jesus perspective, i recommend it.

Words

Its amazing what one sentence can do for you.

During my Gap year I worked as a accountance firm. I worked 9 - 5 typing numbers and adding up. I worked there for eight months. For the first few months it was pure mind numming toture but as time went on I felt more comfortable, made an amazing bunch of friends and experienced what it was like to work in an office full time.

I got a voluntary position at a school in Stafford which was some of the most challenging months of my life. These kids had severe issues, like beyond imagination bad. (for those of you that dont know I got headbutted on my first day)

When I left my accountancey job, There was a party for me, I got cards and gifts and loads of hugs. My friend Billy told me to "go out and change the world." It was silly then, It was just words.

I ran into him at the cinema last week. He asked me how that was going? and it reminded me of that.

I thought it was just words at the time but I hold on to those words, when I think about how hard my job is or how fed up I am writing essays about subjects I dont particularly care about. To go out and change the world. I look at Rukingiri Modern Pre Primary school and remember that three years ago someone said some words that inspired me. (and still do)

Sunday/Monday

So during the mass of essay writing and my boredom of learning about things like the code of hammurabi (I know) I decided to catch up with my blogging I have nine unfinished blogs how bad is that.

Anyway Last Sunday,

I got up at a ridiculously early time and met one of my best friends at St Neots train Station to go into London for the day to go and see the last ever delirious? gig (or at least the last one for a while)

It was amazing. It was very emotional but really made me think how a band that has been around for 17 years has impacted my faith so much.

Lines of the songs have stuck in mind and influenced the way I see my father or put into words the feelings I have had in my heart.

My mind was flooded with memories of my life and how there songs had become a soundtrack to those moments. Whether it be my first time at Soul Survivor, Other concerts or in my own personal worship time.

Not only was the gig fantastic but the whole Day. It was just fun. it was freezing cold, my feet were beyond soaked and it tipped it down with rain but I really enjoyed hanging out with Jasper. We didnt do anything epic just avoided the rain by drinking coffee and jumping into HMV to avoid the rain, but it was lovely just spending some time with him and making jokes.

Monday was also epic,

I laid in until 10 which I was annoyed at myself about as it resulted in me missing my last Uni lecture of this term, but It gave me time to tackle one of my four essays. I then headed down to Watford to visit my Beautiful boy which as always was magic.

It was the drive back which I wanted to talk about, The M25 Northbound was closed as I headed home so I ended up driving the intire thing. It was really nice.

It was 4am but I found it really refreashing.

I just stopped running around like a hooligan and enjoyed the drive. It silly that it was 4am when I stopped and took some time for myself listening to Quench and The Cure. Talking to my Father and thinking about how many people I had just circled round.

I recommend it.